I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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