Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
