My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize