the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
