This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
