I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
