It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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