Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
