I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
