My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
