john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
