tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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