to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I love having hate sex.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Pants are for mortals
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
