Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
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