she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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