i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
