i just had sex bonerless
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
