I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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