If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
