tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
