I could make wine with my vomit
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
