the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
