Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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