Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
