There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
