why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize