We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
