he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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