i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
