shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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