Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
