he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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