Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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