I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
