Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
