He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
