Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
