I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
