Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Vodka?
Forever.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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