i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
where are you?
Hypothermia
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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