I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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