my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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