I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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