dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He has the fingertips of a God
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