The maid of honor just puked.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
