Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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