if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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