We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
ttyl tear gas
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
