Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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