i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
