all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
