I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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