Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
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