what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
