Only a mothe r could love this liver
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
