I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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