i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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