Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
