Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
