Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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