If i come over, it means nothing
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize