Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
