he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
