i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
