my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize