I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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