I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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